he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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