I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
