Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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