Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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