Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
