I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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