I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
