cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
