hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
