you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found puke in my bra..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
