hotel room ftw
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
