Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize