Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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