someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
