I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my liver is dry heaving
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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