So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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