I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
