At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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