haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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