i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
