So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
