I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
