Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize