I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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