My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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