Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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