i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
People in love make me want to vomit
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
