oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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