I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize