FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
