Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
