yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
