Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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