I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Found the puke drawer
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize