I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dignity is for republicans.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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