I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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