i'm signing you up for texting rehab
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
