What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
