if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm always down for nudity.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
