nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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