This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
