You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize