What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
