p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize