did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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