Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
