I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
