He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will be naked everywhere
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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