there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
