Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
