Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
