O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
