Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
