OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
