He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize