Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
NoShamevember. You game?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
