Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
