it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
