Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
