If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
