Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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