i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I pour the whiskey from now on
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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