Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
