You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
