Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
