so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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