found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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