Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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