Define "chronic" masturbator.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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