Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
